Why am I doing this again?
I think this to myself all the time. I think about this, and I think about the
bills I need to pay. I consider my next
consulting project or speech. I worry
over the selling of my house. I remind
myself of the household duties that need more than just a good considering, but
an actual cleaning or filing away. I
regret a reaction I had.
And, then I step into yoga.
And, I stop thinking. There is not
a past. There is not a future. The only thing that exists between myself
and this moment is my mind. And, my
mind is too busy reminding my body to breathe, move, hold, twist, or undulate. Or
feel burning.
Our minds, the Taoists will say, are like monkeys – jumping all
around in an imaginary playground of either the past or the future or the analytical
now. My mind is more like a yappy Jack
Russell, I am convinced. But the theory
is all the same. We spend a lot of time
in the imaginary future that hasn’t happened.
Or we spend it in a regretful past that we cannot control.
Sometimes, when I am meditating and my mind is monkeying
around – attending to all the things I need to do or worry about, I mentally
slap myself and get to the now. I say, “that’s
it. stop. stop all this noise! Count to 20.”
And, then I do. I look
around. I breathe. I focus inward. I count to 20. And, while I am counting, I hear, “why are
you counting? what are you doing? do realize that you are sitting here
counting,” and I reply, “shut up. be quiet.
and count.” And, then I do. I count.
Somewhere along the way, the counting steps into the background and awareness
emerges and takes the wheel.
In this moment, I see everything. The Jack Russell has stopped yapping. I smile.
I sit in the full awareness of my soul – as my soul. I am connected to everything. I stand in this moment knowing that I am
fully alive. I feel peace. And, I start to move through my world.
Ten minutes later I find myself in some imaginary future thinking about the things I need to do or worry about – the groceries I need to buy, the upcoming event for my daughter that I need to put on the calendar.
It’s hard to be aware and awake if you are TRYING to be aware and awake. That’s because you are working at it. And, that means you are engaging the mind. See, in theory, Consciousness uses the mind like a tool. And, when we are not awake, we are being used by the mind as a tool.
Absolute awareness is a quiet observer. It is not active, but is passive. It cannot be called into being by the wants
of the mind. It exists now and
always. It is always available, but
only available in stillness. Awareness is more like a docile Lab.
Yoga, on some level, is like counting to 20. I remind myself to breathe. I analyze the burning of my thighs. I postulate how many minutes are left in the class. Then, at some point, I stop all that mental quibbling. And, I breathe. I move. I flow. I am the Universe and all is possible in this beautiful dance with life and the perfect now.
So… why am I doing this?
To train myself. To train myself
to spend a little more time with my true nature. To remind my mental Jack Russell who is in
charge – that relaxed, but clear eyed Labrador.
We are all beautiful.
There is abundance everywhere.
Someone is not plotting against you or thinking bad things about
you. You didn’t say the wrong thing
earlier today. The things you fear have
not happened and are not happening right now.
So, practice finding yourself. Find yourself any way you want. Stop thinking about the future. Stop thinking about the past. Feel right now.
Or, just count to 20 and let me know how it goes.
Namaste!
Ryan
Dr. Ryan Pride is the owner of the Moksha Institute, a firm dedicated to improving the wellbeing of individuals, teams, and organizations through culture transformation and leadership development. A profit-for-purpose company, the Moksha Institute applies Ancient Teachings for the Modern Time in order to transform striving into thriving.
For more information, please go to: www.mokshainstitute.com
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